Tranquillità/Turbolenza

(Something I've been meaning to post but haven't gotten around to it. Not in my normal style, but...I kinda like it.)

It’s the best night of sleep I’ll have for weeks until you come back again—if you come back again, when you come back again. Until then, I’ll snuggle closer into my bed just to fall asleep. I’ll align the pillows so that I can pretend that you will be there to brush the hair out of my face when I wake up again to face the day.

Around 2am I’ll wake up and realize that your hand is not on my back where it belongs and frantically run my hands down either side of the bed, looking for you. Pretending has gotten me nowhere. The bed is just as empty and I am just as alone.

I’ve been working so hard to convince myself that living without you will be easier than living with you. I sort out the pros and cons of it all and think to myself “tomorrow I can do this all without him”; but the absence of your face makes the days even longer and I find myself distracted every minute you aren't here.

You are the sweet-silent-surrender of my day; I let guard down and lean into your arms and all of the world disappears around you.